worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
How naked do you want me to be?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize