I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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