Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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