paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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