I'm so fucking centered right now
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
