I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
People in love make me want to vomit
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
