I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
