I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
