The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
