This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
