So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
