I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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