I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
