i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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