How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
