Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
