I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
