My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
