i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i drank out of a bidet.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
