I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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