sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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