ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
there was a trapeze. enough said
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
