You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
