I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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