i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
