i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
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