This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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