no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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