That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
