Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
