Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
