put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
