Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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