he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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