White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
