bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
