Define "chronic" masturbator.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
