shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
