Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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