If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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