Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize