my soul wont recognize me after tonight
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Randomize