all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
