hotel room ftw
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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