What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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