I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
