ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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