new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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