yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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