The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
