Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Holy sore nipples Batman
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
