this beer tastes like vomit already
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
