how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
