Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
