If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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