it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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