I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
