Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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