You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
