Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize