i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
