are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
