??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
