dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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