Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
