pop tarts are not kleenex
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize