you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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