Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
