what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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