guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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