I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
